John Stanko

It's been a few weeks since I have written.  When I am at my mother's, there is no wireless signal in the building so I have not been online much.  Yesterday I had a chance to buy a laptop adapter so I can get my own signal while I am here.  I am spending eight plus hours a day in her apartment, so it was a good investment.

My mother is failing rapidly, with very little energy left to do much of anything.  We are scrambling for caregivers since she doesn't want a lot of strangers around, which I can understand. It just makes it a bit more difficult for my sister and me.  I am not complaining.

I keep thinking about when I was in Zimbabwe a few years ago.  I was facing a full week of training and had a lot of things to do in preparation. The Sunday night before it all began, I was uptight.  I had new powerpoint slides to design, outlines to finalize and a host of other things in the midst of power outages and other challenges.  At some point in the evening, the Lord spoke to me and asked me a question, "I thought this was what you wanted to do?" 

I immediately broke out laughing.  Why?

I laughed because it was what I wanted to do and there I was complaining and stressing out over a situation that I had created.  I wasn't enjoying it because I was allowing the details to affect my judgment.  I said to myself, "You are right.  This is what I wanted and I intend to enjoy every minute of it."  That was seven years ago and I have been true to my word ever since.

I wanted to be with my mother in her last hours so, while I am not relishing every minute that includes her suffering, I am thanking God for the chance to be here.  This only happens once in a lifetime, so I am not griping.  I suppose this is how families had to function before old age homes were around.  I think I will go back and see if she is able to get out of bed so I can bring her out for what could be her last time in her favorite chair.  Stay tuned.  I will keep you posted on how it goes.